We do not walk alone
We can easily forget that following Christ is a risky choice where Christ invites us to surrender everything we have in order to find ourselves in Him. Dying to ourselves is accomplished, not in one decision made sometime in the past, but in decisions that go from minute to minute. Yet, in Christ, I marvel because He does not ask us to do anything He Himself was unwilling to do. Borrowing another thought from Metropolitan Anthony Bloom,
The Lord says to us that if we want to be followers of His, disciples, we must take up our crosses and follow Him. And when we think of the Cross of the Lord, we think of His gradual, painful ascent to His Crucifixion, we think of the way of the Cross, of His death. And indeed, the Lord calls us, if we want to be faithful to Him, if we want to be His disciples, to be prepared to walk all the way with Him – all the way.
But on the other hand, we must remember that He does not call us to follow a road which He has not trod Himself. He is a Good Shepherd that walks ahead of His sheep, making sure that all is clear, that dangers have been removed, that they can walk safely in His footstep. His call to take up our cross and to follow Him is a call, at the same time, to accept to be true disciples of Him, and also to do it in the certainty that He will never ask from us what He has not done or endured Himself. We can follow Him safely; we can follow Him with assurance, but also with a sense of peace in our heart and our mind.
May God bless you with the grace to pray and authentically seek Christ.